And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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