I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
