what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize