Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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