we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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