maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
