Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
