im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
