And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
