Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
