Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she peed on how many people?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
