I am puke
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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