is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
