I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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