My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
