Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
