Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
