there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
