It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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