I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I need a beard to bite.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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