Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
