Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
