Welp...herpes.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
