I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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