Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
