why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
