Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
