Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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