Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
