Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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