I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
