you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
well most of my day revolves around power hour
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
