Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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