I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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