he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize