normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Randomize