I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
