she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Randomize
