just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
