I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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