The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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