she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
