ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
