opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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