i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
