Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
