This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
