tell your sister to shave her snatch
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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