I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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