morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
