I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
