you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I need to calm my uterus...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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