idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
barbara walters just said penis...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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