You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
