Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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