I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
