i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
