You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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