I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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