just come out here and I will go home with you...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
