So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize