i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
