It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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