I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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