I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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