Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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