I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
