Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So much rum. So many feels.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
