I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
