Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
