it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
