dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
