my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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